hey, it's me.
The psychologist who lost the plot and then figured out why.
I help parents who keep shouting at their kids understand what's actually going on - and do something practical about it.
My daughter was about two when she stubbed her toe, huffed, puffed, and said "fucking hell."
I wasn't cross with her. I was just suddenly very aware of what she'd been watching. She wasn't doing anything wrong - she was doing exactly what she'd seen. And that was the moment I stopped being able to tell myself it wasn't that bad.
I'd been a psychologist for nearly a decade by that point. I understood why people get stuck. I understood patterns, and loops, and why knowing something and being able to do it are two completely different things. I knew all of it.
What I came to understand - properly, in my own life, not just in a clinical setting - is that shouting is what happens when you've been trying the same thing on repeat and it keeps not working.
You want the noise to stop. You want to get out of the door on time, just once, without it becoming a thing. You want the sibling fighting to stop, the shoes to go on, the 500th question of the day to be the last one. You want a different outcome and you keep not getting it. The frustration builds, and eventually it explodes.
I started paying attention to the loop. Where it started. What I was doing that wasn't working. What I needed instead. I got steadier. Not because I tried harder - trying harder had never been the answer - but because I started using the right tools at the right points in the build-up.
I still lose it sometimes. But where it used to be most days, it's now once every few months. And when it happens, I know exactly what to do next.
That shift is what I built my work around. Because if it took me - someone who had spent years studying this - that long to crack the practical application, then the advice most parents are working with was never going to be enough. You don't need more information. You need the right tool for the moment you're actually in.
the background bit
A decade of understanding why people get stuck.
And what actually gets them unstuck.
Understanding patterns
I've spent over ten years working with people on the loops they can't get out of - understanding what keeps them stuck, what's driving the behaviour, and what needs to change for something different to happen.
Teaching tools that work
The tools I teach are practical, specific, and designed to work in real moments - not in theory, not when everything is calm, but when you're actually in it.
Getting real results
What I care about is whether it works. Not in a session, not on paper - in your actual life, with your actual kids, on the days when everything is loud and you have very little left.
what I believe
A few things I won't budge on.
Shouting is what happens when you've been trying the same thing on repeat.
And keep not getting the outcome you want. Anger is what you feel when your goals keep getting blocked. When that builds long enough without a way through, it explodes. It isn't a weakness. It's a pattern. And patterns can be changed.
The tools have to match the moment.
What works when you're calm won't work when you're already in it. Most parenting advice skips this entirely. Having the right tool for the right point in the build-up is the whole game.
Trying harder is the wrong answer.
If trying harder was going to fix it, it would have fixed it already. What changes things is having something different to reach for - and practising it until it becomes the thing you reach for automatically.
Progress is the goal. Not perfection.
The aim is to keep coming back, keep practising, and get a little steadier each time. You won't get this right every time. Nobody does. What matters is that you have something to come back to.
Repair is as important as the rupture.
One hard moment doesn't define a relationship. Staying stuck in the loop does. What you do after a blow-up matters as much as the blow-up itself.
One hard moment doesn't make you a bad parent.
The fact that you're here, trying to figure this out - that's not what a bad parent does. Bad parents don't lie awake replaying it. Bad parents don't go looking for a better way. The loop is hard. But it isn't the whole story, and it isn't who you are.
This is the only thing that's helped.
On day one I counted 15 near-yelling moments. By the end of the week it was once or twice. I've tried so many other things to stop yelling - this is it.
– Tess
It actually worked.
I followed your advice on how best to apologise after shouting. I didn't over explain and it was effective - it shut the situation down quickly.
– Corrine
The most beneficial account I've followed.
Yours has by far been the most beneficial account I've followed for understanding myself better.
– Kristy
Where would you like to start?
START HERE
The Shout Less Toolkit
You know the loop. Shout, guilt, apologise, repeat. This toolkit gives you the practical tools to interrupt it - watchable in a couple of hours, usable the same day.
Work with me
Let's Work on it Together
One session to sort a specific moment, or eight sessions to understand the whole pattern. Either way, we work on your specific situation together.
COMING SOON
The Shout Less Skills Club
The membership for parents who want to keep building. Monthly skills, tools, and support to help you stay steady - not just on the good days.
Not ready yet? Start here.
The free Shout Less Foundation
Five days. One email a day. Start understanding why it keeps happening.
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